Sister of Greene murder victim begins local chapter of support group

The phone call that changed Cindy Testerman's life came on New Year's Day 2005. The voice on the end of the line told Cindy that her brother, Bobby, had just been shot by his wife and was dead.
"At that moment, it doesn't feel real," says Cindy. "At that point you think, 'It's got to be a mistake. It couldn't happen to us.' "
But it was quite real.
According to reports, authorities had arrived at the Ellis home on Celt Road in Stanardsville at around 12:50am that morning, finding George Robert "Bobby" Ellis, 38, dead in the hallway.
Following the trial later that year, his wife, Peggy Ellis, was sentenced to 17 years for second-degree murder and 3 years on possession of a firearms charge.
It had been the first homicide in Greene since 2003.
Cindy Testerman credits Parents of Murdered Children (POMC), a national victims support and advocacy group, for helping her through what she describes as a time of extreme pain and isolation for her and her family.
She was introduced to the support group through her mother-in-law, Pat Testerman, who also lost a loved one violently -- her three-year-old daughter was beaten to death in Ohio back in 1971.
A few years ago, Pat had become the co-leader of POMC's local chapter in Winchester. Cindy and Pat, both Culpeper residents, have been trekking to Winchester in order to attend group meetings.
Now, the two are joining together to begin a chapter closer to home. The first meeting of the newly formed Central Virginia Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children is Friday, September 26, at 7pm, at the Depot in downtown Culpeper.
According to national crime statistics, more than 16,000 people are murdered each year in the United States. But this doesn't count "all of the people that one murder affects," says Cindy. "It's overwhelming."
Though based in Culpeper, the new local POMC chapter is open to residents of Madison, Orange, Greene and beyond, anyone who is "affected by a homicide, even co-workers or neighbors," says Cindy.
POMC describes itself as a national "self-help" organization, created to offer advocacy, emotional support, and information for anyone surviving the loss of a loved one to murder.
Among its services: court accompaniment for survivors of murder victims, plus a second opinion service for unsolved or suspicious cases.
"Court is a scary place for a survivor of a homicide victim," Cindy remarks. "The justice system leaves the victim's (survivors) feeling they have fewer rights than they actually have. There are a lot of things that can be done to assist them."
The national chapter of POMC is based in Cincinnati, Ohio. The local chapters, which are spread throughout the United States, hold monthly meetings, provide a telephone network of support, and supply information about the grief process.
Coordinators such as Cindy and Pat undergo training and certification before beginning a chapter.
Both say that their effort to help others has also helped them.
"The one universal emotion to nearly all - if not all - survivors is the profound isolation and loneliness," says Cindy. "Murder is not something most people are comfortable discussing, so finding others who have dealt with the same issues is immensely comforting."
Pat agrees.
"My daughter was murdered in 1971. Back then, there weren't any support groups. Before I went to the POMC meetings, the only support I had was my husband."
Pat says that sometimes she can still feel the horror she felt when her daughter was first murdered.
"There's no way anyone can begin to describe what you can go through," she says. "It's something you never expect to happen to you. There's no way to prepare for it."
Cindy agrees.
"One lady that I talked to… I found myself crying with her on the phone. That pain is so raw and intense it takes me back to the time when I got the call."
She says that throughout her brother's murder trial, his "lifestyle and choices were being judged," which "left an additional burden on the grieving family and compounded (the family's) feelings of shame and isolation."
Through the local chapter of POMC, Cindy aims to help others who may be experiencing similar emotions.
"For a long time I felt like I didn't have a right to grieve my brother," explains Cindy. "Sometimes (for the survivors), it's what they feel versus what they think they're supposed to feel."
She continues:
"In a perfect world, there would be no need for such a group as POMC. But I hope that it will benefit people the way it has me."
Those interested in contacting the group for more information may call (540) 829-9124.