BOOMER JOURNEYS: That worm in my ear is a hippo

Warning: Content of this column is contagious. 
Ever had a tune or piece of music you can’t get out of your head?  “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.” 
A snippet of a song that repeats and repeats in your ear? “Only a hippopotamus will do.”
Thought you would go crazy if you could not stop the music playing in your brain? “No crocodiles or rhinoceroses, I only want hippopotamuses.”
The good news: There is a name for your ailment: the earworm.  The bad news: No one has a sure cure.
Earworms defy logic and most science.  Surveys indicate 98% of us have suffered an earworm invasion with women and musicians more likely to be victims. 
I’m currently under attack by the “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas” in July.
While most people find attacks mildly to insanely annoying, one group loves their own earworms – marketers and advertisers.  How many jingle writers have longed “to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony”? 
What company would not want a bite of the mega-success “two all beef patties, special, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun”?  When it comes to tapping into the consumer psyche, few things can propel your brand to the tip of everyone’s tongue like a good, old-fashioned stick-in-the-brain earworm.
The marketing possibilities were one impetus behind Earworm Research studies at The University of Cincinnati’s College of Business.  Led by James J. Kellaris, PhD, the research is a mostly serious, somewhat tongue-in-cheek study of “the affective, cognitive, and behavioral influences of music on consumers, including … advertisements and retail environments”.

While Kellaris has popularized the term “earworm”, the name is a common German word ohrwurm literally translated into English.  Other names for this phenomenon include melodymania, repetunitis, audio virus, stuck song syndrome and the particularly disgusting term tune cootie. 
Any bit of music from a song to a jingle can become involuntarily repeated in our mind.  It is a musical itch you cannot scratch.
No one has a definitive answer for why “Wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too” can drive you to drink.  Some sources think it is the catchiness of the tune (which is great if you are the one receiving the residual checks).
Kellaris’ “cognitive itch” theory explains the earworm as somewhat of an allergic reaction in the mind to certain musical properties that act like histamine (the common cause of allergic reactions which is why we take antihistamines to combat them). 
Unfortunately, there is no antihistamine for earworms and like the allergy sufferer, every time we scratch that itch we only make it itch more. 
American psychologist Daniel Wegner calls these events ironic processes and says the only way to stop thinking about (or hearing) what you want to stop thinking about (or hearing) is to stop thinking about it (or hearing it).  Huh? Now that is what I call ironic – and impossible.
What can you do if you become the victim of an earworm attack?  The ugly truth is that no one has come up with a solution.
Some people believe the ever-repeating tune in your head is your subconscious trying to tell you something and if you can figure it out, the music will stop.  If you are hearing “the best part of waking up is Folger’s in your cup” perhaps you just need your morning coffee.
Other people suggest you sing the song in its entirety to end your torment.  If your earworm is part of “It’s a Small World After All”, I suggest you do this in total and complete privacy.
The number one tune for earworms is whatever burrows into your brain; however, familiar species include the Chili’s Baby Back Ribs jingle, YMCA, We Will Rock You, The Lion Sleeps Tonight and just take a moment to think about the Jeopardy “thinking music” aptly titled “Think”. 
The one helpful suggestion I have found somewhat successful is singing Happy Birthday to yourself.  Or you can take the advice of another popular earworm.  “Don’t worry. Be Happy”.
Note:  If you find yourself wrapped up in repeating any of the above tunes, just remember: I warned you.